-In the last day she’s discovered how to make a deliberate little smacking kissy noise. She likes to do it back and forth, and it’s freaking adorable.


-Last year for our anniversary Christopher and I went to Gatlinburg. It was just the two of us (well, and unborn Lily, but she didn’t need much attention then!), and it was so relaxing. We rented a beautiful cabin, and just had fun for a week. We played putt-putt, had delicious food, watched movies, got pedicures, went to the aquarium, walked around the shops, got massages out on the porch of the cabin (it was raining (porch was covered) and it was so peaceful!), and just generally did what we wanted. I was thinking about that this week, with our anniversary coming up again soon, and at first I was kind of sad. I miss that freedom to do whatever, and to spend so much time with Christopher uninterrupted. But then I got to thinking how excited I am to take Lily to Gatlinburg when she gets a little bigger. She’s going to love the aquarium and the go karts and the ten zillion awesome candy shops and all of it! And she’s not going to be this dependent forever. We’ll go on relaxing, child free vacations again, and it will be relatively soon in the long run. So I’m just going to keep looking forward to the fun stuff, and enjoying the baby cuddles, and quit worrying about the fact that we have to spend a few of our years together without the free time that we might prefer.


-On a tangentially related note, Christopher and I met when we were 19. We’re now 30. We’ve spent over a third of our lives together! (And we met Jo at the same time, so we’ve all three been friends for over a third of our lives!)


-Arg. I HATE when the baby rolls on her stomach to sleep. I’ve had Back to Sleep repeated to me so many times it’s just ingrained. I know once she’s old enough to roll easily it’s not a big deal, but I worry too much as it is; I don’t need this too! And the ridiculous part is that before I had her I swore up down and sideways I would let my baby(ies) belly sleep from day one if that’s what they preferred. I wasn’t going to let paranoia keep them from sleeping! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I will wake her up every 5 minutes myself if that’s what I need to do to be sure she’s as safe as she can possibly be. 


-When I was pregnant with Lily, it was always a little scary. There was this undercurrent of fear, what if something goes wrong again? I was a nervous wreck before every ultrasound, terrified that this time they would get quiet, and call for a doctor, and it would be bad news again. It never happened; every ultrasound ended with good news, and a still-healthy baby growing strong. But the whole time part of me was looking forward to her being born, because once she was here it wouldn’t be so scary. Even after she was born premature, I was relieved because she was here and she was healthy, and no more worrying about pregnancy going wrong again! But I forgot one little thing. My biggest fear was that she’d develop a hydrocephalus. And as scary as ultrasounds were, they meant that every few weeks I got to see inside her head and be sure that her brain was developing normally. And now she’s here and, oh wait, hydrocephalus can develop at ANY time in life, and hey, I don’t get to see inside her head anymore! Crap. I mostly don’t give it much thought, but every so often I look at her and her head seems awfully big (hello, she’s a baby, babies have big heads!) and feel a moment of panic. And I get a little bit more nervous about upcoming doctor appointments, when they’ll measure her head and be sure it’s growing normally. I dreaded every one, because they were so nerve wracking, but turns out, I really miss ultrasounds.


-I was thinking today about River some. And I realized something. We could have had River and still had Lily. It would have been ridiculously hard, to have two under one with one being severely disabled. But based on timing it physically would have been possible. If we had, River would be coming up on two. Except that developmentally, Lily (now nine months old) would have long since left her behind. River was never going to progress beyond early infancy. All these skills that Lily is picking up, all the rolling and the “talking” and learning to anticipate, River would never have done those things. It’s a strange thought. 


-OH MY GOD MY COUSIN JUST YANKED HER SLEEPING FOUR MONTH OLD OUT OF BED BECAUSE A SCORPION WAS CRAWLING RIGHT UP TO HER!!!! Pardon me while I never sleep again even though we live a thousand miles away and there are no scorpions here. I’m just going to hide gibbering in the corner.


-99% sure her top teeth are trying to come in! Eek! She’s gonna look even cuter! I hope they come through soon though. Cutting teeth is no fun.


-My husband doesn’t understand me at all. 😩 I’m going to a press conference tomorrow to announce Planned Parenthood of Middle and Eastern Tennessee’s new website. My abortion story with River will be part of it. I told Christopher I’m nervous about it, and he didn’t get it. He was just all, but you’re not speaking, you’re just standing there. Hello! I don’t know where to park and I don’t know anyone there and I have to be social at least some and there will be cameras what if I slouch and what if I’m wearing Lily wrong and everyone judges me and what if she has a blowout in front of the cameras and what if people talk to me I say something stupid and what if there are mean people protesting and and and!!! 😳 I know I’ll be glad I went, but I’m so anxious I may explode. At least I have people who get me to talk to. This is what I get for marrying someone with no social anxiety. Usually it’s nice, occasionally frustrating.


-We survived the press conference! Lily was SUPER tired by the end, but we made it all the way home without a meltdown! I got up at 7, and she was awake too. She normally doesn’t get up till 10, but I cuddle her for the stretch between Christopher leaving and her actually getting up, so with me not in bed there was no chance of her staying asleep. And I tried for a nap after I pumped but it just hadn’t been long enough since she got up before we had to leave. But even though she was tired, she didn’t fuss or cause any issues! She seemed to genuinely enjoy being out and about. And it was windy, so walking to/from the car she was basically in heaven. She loves the wind like her momma! And I got through it fine too. I was nervous about figuring out where to go, but I had enough time that even with getting a little turned around I was able to find it and be there on time. I got to meet some really nice people, and they all loved Lily. The only real hiccup was that she had a blowout diaper, but it wasn’t until we got back to the car so I’m counting that as a win. I’m really glad I went, and can’t wait to do more with PP going forward!


-Oh, Easter! Totally forgot! We (my mom and I) took her to see the Easter bunny. Christopher was out of town and he said he didn’t care if we went without him (Easter has never been a huge deal in his life). We went to Bass Pro since they do a free 4×6 and you can take your own pictures. I think the one I got on my phone (see below) was the best. Very Lily- totally calm, but very curious. She did look a little uncertain about me backing away after handing her off, but she didn’t get upset! She got two Easter baskets- one from my mom, and one from us (plus her $2 bill from Papa Ray 😊). She’s too young to care that much, but she seemed happy! 





And some more pictures since none of them really fit what I wrote about.





SO close to crawling!



I can’t let her play with the curtains, but look at that face!


Nobody wakes up happier!




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