-I love when she’s asleep and something startles her, and she opens her eyes, looks around all confused, then looks at me and goes back to sleep. It’s like, oh, mommy’s here, it’s okay.
-Going to bed when you have a baby is weird. Because on the one hand, you’re super tired and can’t wait to sleep. But on the other, you know you’re going to be woken up in the middle of the night and that’s frustrating. Still, when you factor in sweet baby cuddles (I really do LOVE cosleeping), it works out in favor of “yay bedtime!”
-Ate so much cake I felt sick not an hour ago, and now I’m debating if I need more. One of these days my metabolism is gonna catch up to me. I guess we’ll see then how serious I am about being body positive and no fat shaming. Eek.
-She was just laying on her side facing the changing table, and grabbed the edge and used it to pull herself closer to what she was reaching for. That seems like a big thing to figure out, that she can pull herself by grabbing heavy objects. Go Lils!
-I have coffee and I swear the first sip tasted like hot dog. I don’t think my taste buds work so hot.
-Alexi Murdoch’s “Song for You” is the best description of depression (as I experience it; everyone is different) that I’ve found. And it’s a really beautiful song.
-The problem with coloring is how slow it goes. This is after a solid half hour of work. But I was surprised how much it improved my mood. I should do it more often. (Also, so excited about this coloring book!)
-This Trump thing has reached the point it legitimately scares me. Like, I’ve read about things leading up to the worst of the Nazis and I know we’re not there but I could honestly see it happening. And what the ever loving f*** is up with that? How did we get here? How, in this day and age in America, am I genuinely too afraid to go to a protest of an actual possible future president? They pepper sprayed the protesters in Kansas City. I have no idea if the cops were out of line (Update- looking more and more like this was the cops at fault from what I’ve read), but that’s really immaterial. This is what it’s come to. A legitimate candidate offering to pay the legal fees of anyone who gets arrested for assaulting protestors. Protests getting broken up by police. How?!
I just keep thinking that this is what it must have felt like in Germany as Hitler came to power. You just keep thinking it can’t be for real and it won’t get that bad. But one day they woke up and it was that bad. And surely, SURELY not here. But I do NOT like what it says about people that he has so much support.
-Occasionally I stop and think about how lucky I am/have been, and it’s pretty incredible. I have an amazing husband who loves me and is a wonderful father, and a beautiful, healthy daughter. We’re very well off financially, with a good safety net for emergencies, and excellent health insurance. We have family that loves and supports us, and would be both willing and able to help if anything were to happen. Hell, we’re white, straight, and cisgender. One tries not to take anything for granted, but still, you don’t stop and ponder it every day. But the amount of privilege I enjoy is breathtaking. I think I need to remind myself of that more often.