(Oh good, I made it worse.)
It really annoys me that knowing the biological/evolutionary reasons behind the urge to do certain things doesn’t let you rationalize those urges away. I’m not talking about just sex, though that’s the most common example. Things like having a hard time being away from my baby, the desire to have a baby in the first place (which started *so* long before I could possibly have justified having one), even the wanting to kiss her little face all over (some scientists believe mothers have such a strong urge to kiss their babies because it allows them to pick up any pathogens he baby is carrying around and create the proper immune response, which is then passed to baby via breastmilk). There is no risk whatsoever that my baby is going to be eaten by a wild animal or starve (because of being away from my boobs) if I sleep in another room for the night so I can get proper rest. But try telling that to the part of me that’s already gone and just stared at her sweet little face twice, when I should be getting in bed. It’s so weird. (The feelings, not her face.)
-She’s added an adorable squeal to her repertoire! It’s not too frequent yet, but hopefully I’ll get it on video soon. She just gets so excited and I love it! Though lord knows what will excite her. She was laying staring at the ceiling earlier, just wriggling and grinning.
-Arg. We looked at a house today (well, a model since it’d be a new build). It is PERFECT. Love the style and layout, the size (master closet is literally as big or bigger than my dorm room, but it’s overall not just overwhelmingly huge- the space is all well-utilized), the neighborhood (lots of young families with kids, nice playground and pool with play area, walking trails, creeks, etc), even the price is within our budget (albeit on the high end). It hits every one of our must haves *and* wants, and is just so freaking perfect. But it’s so far out. Christopher currently drives (according to map directions on my phone) 14 minutes to work. This would be 36. Which isn’t a crazy long drive, but it’s a big increase, and he already works longer hours than we’d really like so adding about an extra hour total with traffic would suck. My mom’s drive to come over (which she does fairly frequently) would increase. According to maps only by about 6 minutes, but I think traffic would be a bigger factor on the new route than the current one. It’s so frustrating! I know that that’s how it is. You can have a great house, a great price, or a great location- pick two. But I don’t want to! I want it all. Can’t they build us this house about 20 minutes closer to town? Pretty please?
-I don’t get why I’m not bald (and everyone else I suppose). Every time I brush my hair I lose some. Some of the hairs left behind in my brush are a few inches, some are basically the full length. It took SO long for my hair to get this long; how do the hairs that have broken off short manage to grow back faster than I lose them? Especially given that your hair doesn’t all grow all the time. I think it’s something like 2/3 on 1/3 off at any given time. I’m assuming the answer has something to do with the fact that people have a LOT of hairs on their heads and it seems like more break off than really do. But it’s weird.
-There’s an article I’ve seen pop up several times on FB. It’s by this mom of twin toddlers and in it she talks about how one day she put down her phone while the boys were playing and counted how many times they looked up at her. It was 20-some-odd times, so she was saying how that was 20+ times that they would have gotten the message that her phone was more important than them, etc. On the one hand, she’s definitely right that we spend too much time on our phones these days. It’s something I’m working on, and Christopher and I have gotten much better about no phones on dates. But yesterday I realized I’d been on my phone the entire time I was pumping, while Lily played. (Granted I was reading on the Kindle app, but she doesn’t know that. All she knows is I’m staring at the fun shiny thing I won’t let her eat which sometimes plays Ooga Chaka.) I look up a lot while I’m doing that, but I still felt guilty. So I decided to try what the mom did and just watch Lils play, and see what happened. I timed it, over 10 minutes straight of playing with her fox, and she didn’t look at me once. And no, I really don’t think it’s because she’s given up on my looking. She’s perfectly capable of getting my attention when she wants it, and unless I’m in the middle of something urgent, I always respond quickly and attentatively (which apparently isn’t a word? Well, it is now). She just enjoys independent play time, to the point that she cries if we don’t put her down often enough. So all that to say this- the article I read is right. We do spend way too much time staring at our smartphones, and it’s important to consider the message it sends our kids. But balance is important too. My baby does not need me to sit and stare at her for hours on end. If spending half a hour reading (or piddling on FB, or playing a game) lets me recharge so that I’m better able to focus on her 100% when she does need me, then I’m not going to waste time feeling guilty about it.
-She is loving solids! Of course, she also loved the dust bunny she tried to eat the other day, so I’m not saying she’s got the most refined palate. But I rejected foods (particularly fruit) from the get go. So she’s passed the first hurdle of not having my pickiness issues! Hopefully she’ll continue this way and be like Christopher, who eats everything. But even if she doesn’t, I’m feeling better that she’ll be better than me.
-She’s getting SO intentional in her moving around. She can roll any time she likes, no issues (except she hasn’t figured out that if she rolls up against a solid object like a wall, she can’t keep going. She gets very frustrated), and more and more it seems like she’s actually trying to get to a particular place or object, rather than just rolling for the fun of it (though she does plenty of that too). And with that it seems like more of the future toddler is coming out. She’s more likely to cry because she can’t get something she wants now, or because she dropped something and can’t find it. My baby is becoming less of a baby by the minute!