Some more random thoughts

Random Thoughts 2(For some weird reason it won’t let me backspace to make that go away. Freaking phone.)

I kind of olives (seriously phone? Liked) writing my random thoughts here (on my phone) when I was on the cruise. I think I’ll continue for a bit.
-We’re trying out a new bedtime routine. On the cruise there was no rocking chair or anything, so she just got cuddles and milk in bed then set down once she was asleep. It worked fine, so we’re doing that here (after her night night books, Goodnight Opus and You Are My Little Cupcake, of course). First night has been a success! It’s a good step towards putting her down alone (and eventually still awake). We don’t plan to kick her out of our bed anytime soon (several years, hopefully), but it would be nice to have both of us be able to consistently stay up even after she goes down.
-I get words/phrases stuck in my head a lot, and some get stuck regularly. One such is “Pyrrhic victory.” I barely know what it means (had to look it up), but I think it over and over.
-So it looks like we’re trading the Altima for a minivan tomorrow. Which is a little weird, with just the one kid. But it would have been really nice for the drive to New Orleans, so as a family that likes road trips it should be nice. And it’s definitely much better as a baker, when I need to transport cakes and things. I’ve already ordered my new Bernie 2016 sticker, and have replacements for my others in the Amazon cart (Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, and Harry Potter, plus a cupcake related one that’s new). Because I have my priorities! (Update- holding off on the van till next year. We’ll be able to put less of a dent in our savings that way. Sad face. What shall I do with my extra Bernie sticker now? I don’t expect Christopher will let me put it on the truck.)
-I read somewhere that you basically should never use the word “so” in writing. It’s apparently just a placeholder like “um” and looks unprofessional/bad. I think about that every time I use it in writing something, but I almost never take it back out. I get not using it for professional stuff, but I like it overall! Plus I usually totally ignore grammar rules for a lot of my writing. Sometimes you need to end a sentence with a preposition or overuse parentheses in order to convey the proper tone. I figure it’s one of those situations where you need to know the rules in order to know when to break them for the sake of art. Or something. 
-I hate words that I’ve read but never heard out loud, so I don’t know how to pronounce them. And yes, I can look them up, but generally speaking it’s frowned upon to stop mid-conversation to pull out your phone and look up word pronunciations. (Dearth was the one that prompted this.)
-This putting a toy in her mouth then letting go with her hands is the cutest thing ever. She’s started doing it a lot. I guess it makes sense that she would want to experiment with it. Everything is new to her! (Update- she keeps doing this with her rings (and occasionally other toys), but she’s added a serious scowl and loud mmmmm noise. I’m thinking maybe it’s related to the teething? But it doesn’t look like she’s got them placed in her mouth where they’d hit the teeth.)

Not rings, but this is the face she’s been making.

-One of my books I read recently said something like, “when you’re immortal, it’s really easy to procrastinate.” That really struck home. I swear I’ve gotten more done around the house on a regular basis since Lils is around (at least since she has gotten old enough to play independently a lot) than I ever did before. Granted I’m not dealing with being pregnant (since she was born is the longest stretch I’ve gone not pregnant in over 2 years), but still. Knowing I only have a limited amount of time to deal with messes that are bothering me is a great motivator to get it done *now* instead of putting it off. I’m sure that’ll change a bit once she’s mobile and making messes as fast as I can deal with them, but for now it’s kind of nice.
-It bothers me how many comments I’m seeing about the “curvy” Barbie that basically say, “I had a skinny blonde Barbie growing up and I don’t have an eating disorder, why all the fuss?” It’s like saying, “I didn’t have a fancy, expensive carseat as a kid, and I’m fine.” (Though with that one, well, the kids who weren’t fine aren’t here to tell us, that’s the point.) Why on earth would you object to something that’s genuinely better for kids? I just don’t get this sense that anything that’s different from your own childhood that’s considered an improvement is automatically bad and/or an insult to you/your parents. Yes, you can overcome a lot, but why not make things easier? And yes, there are bigger issues to worry about, but that doesn’t mean the small ones don’t matter. And good for you on having a healthy body image (which I actually give leave to doubt you do, since so few women do) despite being bombarded by fat shaming messages your entire life. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work to change things for the better.
-It is so weird to actually not want to be pregnant. Or rather, to want to not be pregnant, which isn’t quite the same thing. I’ve spent SO long trying to get (and stay) pregnant, and even before that if we’d had an accident I would have been happy. I got pretty impatient waiting to have kids for as long as we did. But for the first time I can remember, a positive pregnancy test would not be good news. (I would come around, but my first reaction would be less happy and more wtf.) It’s not just because we only plan to have one. Having another pregnancy after less than 18 months would increase the risk of preterm labor again (which surely must have been a factor last time; we only waited 3 cycles after River before getting pregnant again, since no one mentioned that risk), which is a huge fear of mine. I was so grateful that when we were spending all that time in the NICU we didn’t have another kid at home who didn’t understand why we (well, probably just I if we had a kid already) were never home. Plus, of course, just how scary a preemie can be (we got very lucky that she was/is so healthy). But I also really hate the thought of having another too soon for Lily’s sake. If I got pregnant now, she’d be under 18 months when the baby was born. That would be so hard for her to understand. It’s hard on a kid at any age to go from being an only, and basically the center of their parents’ world, to sharing with a very needy little baby. But at least an older kid has some hope of understanding. It would be much harder on one so young. And yes, it’s a brief time in her life and they’d likely be close growing up since they’d be so close in age. But I just really want Lily to be able to enjoy being our focus right now. Which, of course, is precisely why we’re not planning on another. And also, with the emotions that all this Zika talk has stirred up, I don’t really want to face how scary another pregnancy would be, after everything. (I actually think another loss, at least a late one, would be harder now that we have a baby and I would have more of an emotional connection to the reality of what we lost.) But it’s still super weird to not feel a little bit hopeful at the thought of being pregnant. (Further thoughts on this. Not entirely true to say I don’t want to be pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant (to the point that it’s hard to sort out my feelings on a second kid because my first reaction is basically, “ooh, let’s have another so I can be pregnant (and get a second chance at nursing)!” terrible reason(s) to have a baby), so I want to be pregnant again, but just not exactly. I want to be in a position to want to be pregnant. Which is all kinds of confusing.) (Did I just use parentheses within parentheses within parentheses?)
-There’s this image floating around the internet right now from where some husband asked his wife to draw what’s going on in her head. And it has all these different thoughts and worries and to do lists and what have you. Which really, I thought everyone’s head was like that. Apparently not men, or it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But anyway, I totally agree with it, except to really make it fit me it needs to include “how do I explain to my toddler how light diffraction works when she asks why the sky is blue?” I had to ask Christopher how best not to over complicate that one. Wave-particle duality should probably wait until she’s at least like 5. (Side note- Every time Christopher asks me what I’m thinking about, he winds up telling me I’m weird.)
-Also, I spend an irrational amount of time worrying that the Lils won’t be a visual learner like me. I have the hardest time explaining things to my mom, because I’m 100% visual and she’s totally not. My way of explaining things is to draw them (I love graphs and maps and diagrams), which conveys pretty much nothing to her. She says maps and graphs are just pretty pictures. Homeschooling could get really interesting if Lily is like her. Christopher is mostly like me, which is either a good thing (more likely that our child will be too), or a very bad thing (I can’t have him explain something to her in other ways if she isn’t like us). This is a prime example of borrowing trouble, but I keep worrying about it!
-There is seriously no better way to wake up than to this kid. She wakes up slow, so I get to do the same (her binky is like a magical snooze button), and she wakes up HAPPY. Like, “oh wow look how wonderful life is and look there’s my mommy (and/or daddy, puppies, kitty, etc) this is just the best,” every single morning. I might not like getting up in the mornings, but how can mind when that big sleepy smile is the first thing I see? And she’s happy to hang out for a bit while I get myself awake enough to actually get out of bed, and go get my contacts in and all. She’s just the happiest little bed bug!

-I think I’m getting sick again. If so, this is seriously the 4th or 5th time since I had the Lils. It’s getting super frustrating. I thought not having her in daycare meant this wouldn’t be such an issue! Though really, what did I expect with going on a cruise. Being around that many people in a relatively small space is just begging to get sick.
-I can’t remember if I’ve ever mentioned it on the blog (I think I have?), but we sort of roughly follow RIE parenting. One of the big things with that is not putting baby in a position she can’t get into on her own. I’ll be honest, we kind of suck at that when she’s in one of our laps. We sit and stand her up all the time. But we’ve never forced tummy time or propped her up sitting on the floor. It had (has) me freaked out about milestones a little, since she’s going to be behind some with the no tummy time, but the doctor said she’s right on target still. All that to say, I’m feeling a little vindicated lately. She always HATED being on her tummy, when she managed to roll herself. She definitely freaked out the few times I gave in to worrying and tried to do tummy time against my better judgement. But lately she’s been spending more and more time on her belly (she’s started rolling as soon as I set her on her back frequently), even happily doing so. I definitely feel so much better seeing her enjoying working on her new skills, even when she gets frustrated, than I would have if I’d tried to force her to do it on my schedule. Though I still feel like she’s NEVER going to crawl. Then again, the house still isn’t baby proofed (eek), so maybe that’s a good thing.

-Why is it that any time we mention we’re looking forward to taking Lils on a Disney cruise and to WDW some day, every freaking person feels the need to warn us not to do it before she’s “old enough to remember”? What does that even mean? 3? 6? 10? I went to Disney World for the first time at 13, and while I do remember the excitement, I have almost no specific memories of the trip. We went to DC when I was maybe 11, and I remember literally nothing other than I liked the train ride. I have very few clear memories from childhood in general, actually. The ones I have tell a story of being very loved and having opportunities to do fun things. The specifics don’t always matter. So you know what? We’re not waiting until she’s “old enough to remember” before we start doing fun family trips. As long as she’s old enough to appreciate/enjoy it (right now she wouldn’t know the difference between Disney World and Target), we’re going to start building her story of fun family trips and time together *now*, not at some vague future time when we can be sure she’ll remember it all specifically.
-Why is it always it never rains but it pours with hiccups? Haven’t had the hiccups in a month or more, and now I do for the 6th time today.
-How do teeth “come in”? I mean, what is the actual mechanism by which teeth push up through our gums? Why do they do so at particular times in development? How do they know when to stop and not just push till they’re all out of line or fall plum out?
-When she’s fidgety or not sleeping well for whatever reason, baby bug likes to hold hands with me (or her daddy) while she sleeps. It’s pretty much the cutest, sweetest thing in the whole world.
-Her favorite song is Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede. I say it’s because we watched Guardians of the Galaxy while I was pregnant with her. 😄 Okay, really, a 7mo can’t have a favorite song. But she smiles SO big when we sing it to her, or even when I just play it on my phone. My mom is trying to get her first words to be “Ooga Chaka.” She smiles big if you start chanting it at her, so who knows, maybe it’ll happen. At least then no one “wins” if she doesn’t say mama or dada first.


Before ooga chaka


And after

-Also, everyone says dada is more commonly the first word (rather than mama) because D sounds are easier than M. But she makes M sounds all the time and rarely does D. Curious about that. (Update- Christopher commented this evening on it as well. So might be that she’s thinking about saying mama first!)
-Speaking of Christopher commenting on things I’d been noticing myself, her eyelashes are getting so thick! I swear just since yesterday they’re more noticeable! He pointed it out today too. They look like his for sure too. Mine are super long, but not so thick. His are both, and hers seem to be too. So far that means we’re about even on features that are clearly from one of us. She’s definitely got my ears (they almost have a point to them), and probably my eye color (both of us have blue but hers is closer to what mine was at that age). She’s definitely got his chin (his is cleft and mine isn’t, so no question there), and probably his eyelashes. The hair could go either way, since we were both very blonde babies. I’m hoping hers is more like his in texture though. Mine is SO thin and fine, and it tangles (literally) worse than anyone I’ve ever met (whenever I have a new hairstylist I warn them, but they’re still always shocked). Also, if she could not get my crappy, cavity prone enamel, that’d be great.
-She’s really enjoying trying out new foods, which is a lot of fun. She gets so excited! And she’s hard core eying our food when we eat. I’m still eating way too unhealthy to let her have just anything I’m eating (she was smacking her lips big time at some Oreos today), but I think she’ll give me better motivation to work on that. I want to share! Though seriously, I’m so intimidated by feeding her. So far it’s been all breastmilk. It might not have been easy (SO ready to stop pumping!), but it’s simple. But it won’t be long before I have to actually put some thought into all this. How do I make sure she gets a balanced diet?! I have to actually cook and stuff? When?! I know rationally that it will be easier as she gets older (hey, I won’t have to waste hours of my day sitting tethered to the pump!), and she’ll be able to tell me when she’s hungry and stuff, but ack! As a nanny the parents told me what to give the kids. I have to make those decisions now? 

-Is there an equivalent phrase for silver lining only for a small bad part to something that’s otherwise good? This kid is super laid back. It’s great, definitely makes life easier. Even right now when she’s all out of sorts from teething, she’s easier than the average baby. Definitely NOT complaining, but there is one drawback. Our parenting methods are unconventional, particularly in that we won’t spank (really? that’s a word autocorrect isn’t programmed for?) or use other punitive methods of discipline. But, assuming her personality remains pretty laid back and easy going, no one will attribute any good behavior on her part to good parenting. It’ll always be, “that stuff might work for you, since she’s so easy, but my kid is way too wild/sassy/bad/whatever for that to work for us.” And it’s going to be annoying as crap. Couldn’t possibly be that your kid is “bad” because spanking doesn’t work! (Or that your expectations are off, since what most people consider bad behavior in young children is actually completely age appropriate. Kids really are not meant to be seen and not heard.)
Gratuitous cuteness!




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