Today would have been River’s first birthday. I’m not quite sure what to say; happy birthday seems wrong, since it’s not exactly happy. But it’s a day that needs remembering. Like I said, having Lily here definitely helps. But having her here doesn’t erase what happened before. One of my favorite Doctor Who quotes is, “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” I’m happy about Lily, and sad about River, and that’s okay. So happy birthday River, we love and miss you.
Christopher put it well on his post on FB today, so I’ll share that here as well.
“I can’t tell you how thankful, happy, pick a word Liz and I are for Liliana! She makes us smile and laugh everyday. I think that means such much more to us today, the one year anniversary of our loss of River. I count ourselves lucky. To all of our friends and family that have gone through loss and/or fertility issues, we share your pain and I hope that our story with Lily brings you hope.”
This song was one I listened to a lot last year, when I was still in the midst of it all, and having to face trying yet again. I particularly loved the “come on friends get up now, you’re not alone at all” line. It helped that I had people to talk to, online and in real life. I hope that anyone who reads this and is going through difficult times in their journey to have children knows that if they need to talk, never hesitate to contact me. It can be very isolating, but you aren’t alone.