Remembering and Honoring River

I mentioned in a previous post that the day I found out I was pregnant this time, we also visited River’s brick at the memorial garden in Indiana. Christopher’s cousin is one of the people who works with the Angel of Hope Memorial Garden in South Bend, IN, and she and her husband put River’s brick in for us next to their son’s.


I’m not really sure what prompted Christopher to want to go at that particular time, but it did work out nicely with the new pregnancy. As I believe I mentioned, we got to IN much too late to go see it that day, so we went the following morning. We stopped on the way to get the flowers and toys to bring to her (and to her cousin). We picked the Mario characters because we felt like they were something we would have bought for her to play with if she were alive. We’re nerds, and big Nintendo fans, so we liked them. While some people choose to leave toys there (there were quite a few laying about), we decided to just leave the flowers and take the toys to donate to Toys for Tots. It seemed nicer for them to go towards making some other child’s Christmas better.

It was a nice little visit. The garden is by a river (which seemed very fitting), and it was pretty even in the middle of winter. I imagine in the summer it’s beautiful. We talked to her some. It doesn’t really make sense. Not only is that not a grave, so she is in no sense there, neither of us believe in any sort of life after death so we wouldn’t think she could hear us even if it was her grave. But it was good for us. I’m glad we have somewhere to “visit” her, even if it’s not all that rational. And I think Christopher feels the same.

We’re interested in trying to get a similar garden put in somewhere in Nashville. Christopher’s been working crazy hours, so it’s not something we’ve actively pursued, but once things settle down at work I think we’ll look into it further. So I’ll update if anything comes of that. It’s not cheap to do, and I don’t really know where would make sense or any of that, but since his cousin is a part of the one in IN, she’s a good resource for figuring these things out.

On another front, Christopher and I are participating in the March of Dimes this year, to honor River and our two early losses, along with some friends of his who have lost two babies. We’re trying to raise a bit of money for it, and so far have had some success. I’m excited to get to participate. Here’s what he wrote for our fundraising page-

“Liz and I have gone though a lot the last few years. We have lost three babies, all at different times during the pregnancy. Each have come with tears and crushed dreams. We have done some private remembrance activities but I believe that it might be time to join so many that have gone through what we have gone through.

Maybe our donations will make the difference for us, a friend, a co-worker, a stranger’s family to experience the joy of having a baby.

We will walk for our babies, Brandon and Katie’s babies and my cousin’s babies.

The pain will never abate but neither shall our LOVE!”

I think the only thing I would add is that there are far more lost babies in our lives, and we walk to honor all of them. If anyone is interested in helping us out with donations, the page is here. And of course if anyone wants to join us, feel free!