Yes, as pretty much everyone who reads my blog already knows, I’m pregnant again! This time we waited a bit to tell people, so I’m already 12 weeks, which is out of the worst of the danger zone for miscarriage. We’re feeling pretty positive! I’m due August 9th. In case you were wondering, this is also why I haven’t been blogging! All I had to talk about was related to being pregnant again, but since we weren’t telling I couldn’t post any of it. I did do some journaling that I’ll use to put together some more posts, and I’m planning some guest posts, so expect more updates in the future.
I’ll probably wind up splitting this into more than one post, so let’s start with the part that’s most exciting (aside from the fact that all is going well)- IT’S A GIRL!!!
I’m so happy. I’ll be honest, I’ve always wanted a girl. That doesn’t make a ton of sense, given we’ll be practicing gender neutral parenting, and that there’s no guarantee she’ll turn out girly like me (or heck, she could be trans and wind up a boy, who knows!), but yeah, I’m really pleased. Seeing how happy and relieved I was to find that out, I would say I definitely would have had some major disappointment if it’d had come back boy. Not that I wouldn’t have loved a boy just as much, but I’ve just wanted a girl my whole life, and I was so happy we were having one last time. Not having one now would have made having lost a girl a lot harder. Plus, we have all the girl stuff already, so financially it’s easier. And we got these itty bitty sparkly shoes that I was so looking forward to putting on a baby, and I still can! (Without people worrying I’m gonna make a boy gay or something ridiculous.)
You might be wondering how we know the sex so early. We had early an early genetic screening done (specifically the Panorama test). It was able to tell us our risk levels on several common genetic disorders, several of which are fairly nasty. Thankfully, they all came back clear! Since it’s a screening, not a test, it can only tell us that we’re low risk, not for certain whether she has anything, but it puts the odds very much in our favor. Especially since we’ve been tested and have no genetic problems we could be passing on, so the risk was low to begin with.
The only drawback here is that it doesn’t actually tell us anything about whether she could develop a hydrocephalus like R. While some of those conditions can cause a hydro, R’s wasn’t related to any of them, so she would also have had a clear genetic screening. We knew that and chose to do the screening anyway. At this point, the more information we have, the better, and most especially, the more good news we have, the better. Plus, it let us find out the sex early. It seems a little weird to be in such a hurry to know after we had planned to not find out at all with R (before we found out about her hydro), but because of that loss we (I) needed time to process it. Mostly because, as I said above, if it had been a boy, it would have been harder. I didn’t want to be dealing with disappointment or anything else in the delivery room. And if I was going to find out, I wanted to know now! I also found that last time, it really helped me to feel like I was having a baby, not just that I was pregnant, to know that R was a girl. Since my instinct (for fairly obvious reasons) is to not feel too attached to this baby too soon, I thought that it would help me to overcome that some to know if it was a girl or a boy sooner rather than later. (I will say, however, that next time, if there is a next time, I may wait till I’m a little further along, and past the main risk of miscarriage. It would have been (/will be) much harder if something went (/goes) wrong once we knew she was a girl.)
As far as finding out I was pregnant goes, it was fairly non-dramatic. We had originally intended to wait one more month before trying. We had reached the “earliest we were allowed to” per the doctor, but we had a cruise scheduled already that I wouldn’t be allowed to go on (can’t be more than 23 weeks along) if we got pregnant right away. (In case anyone is wondering, we rescheduled it just fine.) But out of nowhere Christopher basically pulled the goalie on the same day that, unbeknownst to him, I had gotten a positive OPK (which meant I would be ovulating within around 12-24 hours, basically the best possible timing to try and get pregnant). I was impatient to be trying again, so I certainly didn’t mind. And similar to my last pregnancy, a few days later I started to feel just really optimistic that this was the month, that I was pregnant again.
Somewhere around 7 or 8 dpo (days post ovulation), which is too early to test, Christopher decided spontaneously that we should go visit R’s brick in the memorial garden in Indiana (about 7 hours away), which I’ll write about more in another post. During the drive up there I noticed I was feeling really crampy. At first I dismissed it, but at some point I realized that I hadn’t felt crampy during PMS since before my first pregnancy, but that I always feel crampy in early pregnancy. At that point I was pretty much certain, but I kept that to myself. We visited the garden the next morning (we had arrived much too late the night before to do it then), had lunch with Christopher’s cousin and her husband, and headed home. We also stopped at Cracker Barrel for dinner and got the cutest little fox bib. At this point, I had told Christopher that I was feeling pretty confident I was pregnant, but I’m not sure he believed me. Still, the bib suggests he might have been feeling hopeful too.
When we got home, I tested pretty much immediately with a cheapie test. Again very similar to last time, there was a line, but it was SOOOOO faint that I didn’t even bother to show Christopher. (I did show it to him later, once he knew for sure, and he agreed that he wouldn’t have said it was positive if I had shown him.) But that didn’t matter, at that point I knew 100%. Later Christopher said that it was nice that I found out I was pregnant again on the day we visited R’s memorial for the first time. Fitting somehow. I somehow managed to keep it to myself (okay, I might have texted Jo) until the next morning, when thankfully I had a good test I could use. And unsurprisingly to me, it was clearly (though a little faintly) positive!
I took it to Christopher, who pulled the same, “that’s not positive” as I handed it to him as he did the very first time I told him I was pregnant, almost two years ago. But he couldn’t deny that there was a line!
Since then I’ve had 3 midwife appointments (one was actually on that day, except it was supposed to be a preconception appointment, whoops!), and an ultrasound. We’ve seen our little blob (there’s not much to see at 6 weeks!), and heard her heartbeat (165bpm). Everything is looking as perfect as can be. I’ll be honest, my anxiety will be high until the anatomy scan, and I won’t really feel entirely confident that we’re really going to have a baby this time until I’m holding her, but we’re really excited!