My Candle

So here’s my candle for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It’s primarily for River, but it’s also for my first two babies that miscarried.

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I’m guessing you’re probably wondering why the bright colors. Not really what one thinks of for a remembrance candle. I had a couple reasons. The first is that when I was looking for the craft supplies to make it, as I was browsing, looking for something that actually said what I felt, I really resented it. I was supposed to be browsing for supplies to make some scrapbook pages celebrating my daughter’s birth and first year of life, not to make a candle in remembrance of her death. So I picked colors that I felt like I would have used, if were making something actually for her. She might not have turned out a girly girl, but I am, so she would have been wearing a lot of pink until she was old enough to decide for herself. And sparkles. Lots of sparkles.

I also had a really hard time finding anything with the right words. There were sets about family, but our family never got a chance to be together. There were ones about remembrance, but they all mentioned memories, and the whole reason this is so tragic is that we never got the chance to make any memories together. And the ones about babies… she never got much of a chance to be a Daddy’s Girl either. These were the only ones that said anything that seemed to fit.

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Because that’s what the candle is for me, a way of saying I love my babies, and always will. It’s not like I need a specific day to remember; how could I forget? But sometimes it’s nice to take a moment to stop and actually do something about it, even if it’s just lighting a candle.

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