Finally Got to See Spooky!

We had our first ultrasound yesterday! I was really nervous. Primarily, of course, that there would be no heartbeat. I was really worried about that back with my first ultrasound with my first pregnancy too, and honestly I didn’t feel any more nervous this time. If anything I felt less. I think it was because I’m further along (last time it was at late 6, early 7 weeks, this time at 10), and just because things feel so on track. I feel very much pregnant still. But I was also worried about twins, and that the growth wouldn’t be on track. Twins wouldn’t be terrible, but they’d definitely be scary. Both because they’re a lot more work, and because it means having a higher risk pregnancy with a lower chance of the natural birth I want. And I assume worrying that growth wouldn’t be on track is pretty self-explanatory. 

Thankfully, everything was perfect! They found the heartbeat immediately (and Christopher warned them while I was changing about my losses, so they knew not to waste any time letting me know there was definitely a heartbeat), and I could see it clearly (and there was only one!). It was right around 164, though it varied a bit throughout, from what I could tell. And she was able to pretty quickly say that s/he was measuring 10w2d, which is exactly spot on with what it should be based on my dates. That made me really happy, both that it was good, and that it verified that I was right. 🙂

It was definitely a much more exciting ultrasound than the one at 6 weeks. At that stage, there’s really nothing there, just a blob with a flicker for the heartbeat. Now, at 10 weeks, we could clearly see the shape of the body, and the little arms and legs. S/he was making little fists! S/he was very wiggly too. Looked like dancing or swimming sort of. It was really cool to see. I wish they’d stay focused on movement longer, but most of the time they just find a spot, and then freeze the image so they can take measurements and stuff. I’m not super big on having a ton of ultrasounds (don’t think they’re unsafe, per se, but there’s not been enough research on them for me to feel 100% comfortable with unnecessary ones), but I’m tempted to look into paying for an elective one. I’ve heard they spend a lot more time basically showing you what you want, since there’s nothing they need to focus on medically. That being said, we actually did get a longer ultrasound than most, because there was a trainee who we let mess around some. So there are benefits to going with a teaching hospital.

Here’s the picture that we got. Honestly, I’m not really sure what we’re looking at here. I think, based on the positioning during most of the scan, that the blob on the left is the head, and the right is the body. The two small blobs top and bottom are shoulders or elbows or something. I actually think it’s a shot from the back, because you can see a little of a line that I think is the spine, and that’s the angle they showed us the spine from. But I could be wrong. It’s pretty easy to figure out while it’s moving, but still images don’t look like much to me. Still awesome though!

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In other news, I’m definitely starting to get a bit of a belly. Unfortunately, it’s a bloat/fat belly, because the baby isn’t up that high yet. From what I’ve read, at 12 weeks the top of the uterus is even with the top of your pubic bone. I’m only 10 weeks, so clearly it’s not anywhere near my belly yet. At the same time, to me at least, and Christopher agrees, it doesn’t look like I’m just bloated or getting fat. I look pregnant. I honestly think that if I saw a woman who was showing the way I am, I would at least wonder if she was pregnant, not just assume she was a little overweight. But that could be wishful thinking on my part. If you see me and disagree, don’t tell me, k? Part of it is also my choice of clothing. I’ve been wearing yoga pants exclusively, because they’re way more comfortable. But they sort of hug my shape, and don’t dig into it like real pants would. So it keeps it looking nice and rounded, not squishy and lumpy from tight waistbands. Also, longer shirts that are fairly tight, and jackets (unzipped) help. They’re just more flattering. I know I’ll look back once I’m actually showing and laugh that I was excited to have a bump that’s clearly not baby, but for now I’m happy to start looking the part! Though I’m REALLY wanting this shirt so I can avoid people assuming I’m just getting chunky when I’m still in the awkward phase of all this.

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Overall, with having seen a healthy, wiggly baby, and starting to feel like I’m actually looking pregnant, I’m feeling a lot better about things. Granted, now I’m sort of panicking, because the fact that we’re actually having a baby is starting to sink in. Which is scary, no matter how badly you want it. Up until now, I think I’ve been more focusing on the pregnancy, and not the baby itself. Partially as a protective measure (it’s easier, emotionally, to handle a loss if it feels like losing a pregnancy rather than losing a baby), and partially because it just doesn’t seem very real in the early weeks. It probably won’t feel really, truly real until I’m holding a baby in my arms, and even then I’m sure I’ll have some moments when it seems surreal, but I’m getting there now. Seeing a baby that actually looks a lot like a baby makes a huge difference. And it makes me even more excited to hit some more milestones, like feeling the baby move! I’ve got plenty to look forward to in the months ahead! 

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