Here We Go Again!

Time to write another of those “write the draft then don’t post it” blog updates. Yep, I’m pregnant again! But since I haven’t had any blood tests, I’m waiting to make any announcements. Hopefully I can get those tests out of the way this week and announce soon! But I definitely need to write out all the details of finding out sooner rather than later. It’s amazing how quickly the exact details fade. So here goes.

This time the story starts around 3dpo (days post ovulation, try to keep up). For some reason right around that day I started feeling like I was just SO sure that this was our month. I just knew I was pregnant. Last month I felt pretty down and definitely not as optimistic as I’d like, so I thought the change was interesting but put no stock in it. The confidence did, however, make it way harder for me to not test early. Last month I gave in and tested pretty early, and the negatives were really not fun. So I initially planned on to wait until at LEAST the day my period was due. I was really certain I’d be better off waiting. But then I was just so sure that it would be positive that I couldn’t wait. I started at 7 or 8dpo (with no expectation of a positive that early), and tested every day. I don’t recall for certain, but I think it was Monday, 2 days before Christmas, I think in the evening, when I got the first super, SUPER faint line. (Seriously faint guys, like I look at them now and absolutely cannot believe I thought that was enough to be even optimistic. I refused to even show them to anyone because I was sure anyone but me would see nothing.) I tried to tell myself I didn’t take it seriously, but looking back, I think I was fooling myself. I already KNEW I was pregnant, and that line, however faint, was all the confirmation I needed for myself. Not enough to tell though.

The next day (Christmas Eve, 10dpo) Christopher went shopping with his buddy (not that he needed to; he’s very good about getting his shopping done early), so he was gone before I got up. I tested again, and got another crazy light line. Again, way too light to show anyone. But when he called for some reason it came up in conversation and I mentioned I’d had a super light positive, but not dark enough for me to be willing to say anything for sure. I think it says something about where we are in this journey that I didn’t even care about making the announcement to him exciting, and he just breezed past it and didn’t bring it up again till well after he got home. Anyway, took yet another that evening, and got a line that was finally dark enough for me to tell him I was sure. (Not dark enough, however, to even consider showing him, and looking back, again, seriously? That was dark enough that I was willing to call it?) Not dark enough, however, to tell my mom, since she would be far more excited, and therefore far more disappointed if I was wrong.

But! Christmas morning (11dpo) I did get a line dark enough to tell her. (Though still not dark enough to show anyone, because I 100% believe(d) no one would see it. I really don’t think I’m impressing upon you sufficiently just how faint these were. It’s ridiculous.) Unfortunately that was a hectic morning, so I couldn’t tell her before I left the house. I do wonder if she thought I was acting odd though. I went to the bathroom immediately after waking up, but didn’t have time to stand there and stare at the test waiting for a result (lines that faint don’t show up very quickly) because I had to go get the sausage pinwheels in the oven. I was so nervous/excited that my hands were shaking, because I felt like if I didn’t get a dark enough line to see a this point, I was probably imagining it. But, like I said, the line was there, so I pulled her aside at our family Christmas breakfast to tell her. Not the worst Christmas present ever for Nana, right? 🙂

We had a ski trip to WV planned with Christopher’s dad and some of his family, so after Christmas with my family we headed over to his dad’s house. We did go ahead and tell his dad and stepmom, but no one else. Mostly I wanted to be sure if I was acting weird/got sick/whatever they knew why. After “doing Christmas” with them, we got on the road (7 people plus luggage in one SUV, fun!). The plan was to stop at a casino/hotel for the night, to break up the 8.5 hour drive. I actually don’t care for gambling, so I was able to relax in the room alone (I’m a HUGE alone-time person, so being around all those people all day stressed me out badly). I figured it was a good time to test again, and I finally got a line I could sort of show Christopher. I say sort of because his response was to stare at it, and tell me he didn’t see anything, then when I showed him where to look he decided he might have seen something. This was excellent validation for my decision not to show him the earlier ones.

Okay, this is getting long, but try to stick with me just a little longer. The next morning I (of course) tested yet again, and got a surprisingly dark line, compared to the others. But that evening I got one that was way lighter, and freaked out a little. Upon lots of inspection, I realized that a- the unexpectedly dark one also had a much darker control line than the others. This would strongly suggest that there was more dye in that test. And b- the one from that afternoon was darker than the one from the previous night, even though my pee was MUCH less concentrated that afternoon (come on, I’m talking about pregnancy tests, pee was gonna come up eventually). So that was good. But it bothered me enough that I wound up deciding not to keep testing. I felt like the emotional rollercoaster I was putting myself through trying to compare lines (on tests that were never intended to be used that way- they’re a strictly yes/no kind of test, and I was getting definite yes’s) wasn’t worth what little reassurance I was getting from continuing.

I did give in and take one last test today (16dpo, with the last one having been on 13dpo), with afternoon, so semi-concentrated, pee, and got a good line. Not “dark,” but if you take out the one dye-heavy test, exactly in line with what I’d expect for a normal progression. So for now, until I get a blood test, I’m just going with I’m pregnant, and everything seems good! I gagged a bit on dinner last night, which is not normally something to celebrate, but when you’re trying to symptom spot in early pregnancy is super encouraging. And my boobs hurt, woohoo, so I’d say I’m feeling pretty darn good about things. I think the most encouraging thing for me right now is that the confidence I started feeling at 3dpo hasn’t gone away. It seems weird, but I do believe it’s possible that having been pregnant twice, my body/unconscious mind knows what those hormone changes, even that early, feel like, and was letting me know. And if I’m still feeling good, hopefully that means my body still feels on track.

Oh, and I guess I should mention, I’m due just 4 days after my birthday on September 6th, 2014!

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