So today has been interesting already, and it’s only 10am. I took Christopher to work (even with gas prices it’s cheaper than paying for parking downtown), and about 30 seconds after I walked in the door getting home, the movers rang the doorbell. They aren’t supposed to come till tomorrow! I have plenty left to do to get things ready, and was internally panicking while staying outwardly calm. They called and worked it out, but not cool! They were going to pack today and load the truck tomorrow, and we don’t even have a hotel booked to stay at until wednesday (the day AFTER they wanted to take our stuff). The one good thing from it though, is that I have a better idea what to get done today, based on what I was freaking out about not being done in time if they packed today.
In other news, my blood draw is today. I won’t get results till tomorrow or wednesday though. I was pretty fine with it, but yesterday I suddenly had the thought of, “what if it comes back 100 or something,” and that got me worried. For some reason articulating the actual numbers made it more real, and worse. That being said, I still *feel* pregnant. So at the very least I expect my numbers to have stayed the same or gone up some, since I think I’d be feeling different if they were dropping. I’ve done the math, and I think I’ll be worried, but not devastated if I at least hit 175. That would mean it continued at roughly the same rate, and isn’t slowing down. 300+ is what I’m looking for, and anything higher than that would be very exciting.
The problem is that this isn’t definitive. Low numbers are bad, but don’t always mean a loss. (Dropping numbers would be a definite loss at this point.) And even if they’re great, it’s not a guarantee that everything will be fine. Part of me really feels like I shouldn’t have gotten the blood test at all. But part of the reason it was so hard last time was because it was such a shock, so knowing that things are iffy might help me prepare. Then again, if things are fine it’s making it harder to enjoy everything.
I’m still choosing to stay positive most of the time. My afghan is coming along nicely, though I really need to stop working on it and get on my hat orders. We said we weren’t going to tell too many people, but somehow pretty much everyone at his company meet-n-greet the other night got told. If the conversation went further, I just said it was high risk. I feel better talking about it than trying to hide it. Talking about a risk of loss might be awkward for other people, but let’s be honest. I’m super awkward anyway.
The only thing I haven’t decided is how to tell the rest of the family. I would have already if I weren’t worried about my little sister. She was really devastated last time, so I’d like to be able to warn her about things being questionable, or just not tell her beforehand if it looks like another definite loss. I think the plan has become this- if numbers are great, announce at birthday party as planned. If numbers are iffy, but not terrible, announce on phone/via FB, and send people here (I’ll go ahead and post these) for more information. And if they’re terrible, probably wait and just let people know later that we had another loss, again sending people here for information. Christopher would rather wait in general, but I really appreciated the support we had last time, and it’s definitely harder for me to keep these things to myself. Hence the writing random blog posts that I’m not even actually putting up. (Note- I’ll be posting these once we announce regardless of when/how we announce.)
Now, off to get things ready for the movers tomorrow!