Some things have changed

I don’t think anyone bothers to read this but my family and maybe a few friends, all of whom already know, but just in case I’ll go ahead and include it here. We did lose that pregnancy. I started bleeding at 9.5 weeks, and ultrasound showed no heartbeat and that the baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks.

It was difficult, and upsetting, and all those feeling words that I don’t like using. But we did get through it. It wasn’t the end of the world, even if it kinda felt like it for just a little while. I can think and talk about it now without even getting upset.

So that’s all sad and stuff, so let’s move on, shall we? Now the good news. I am pregnant again! I don’t plan to actually post this until we officially announce, but as of right now I’m 4 weeks and 2 days, and due on April 28, 2014.

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We are very excited. (Well, I am. Pretty sure Christopher won’t be until he at least feels a kick or something.) Honestly, I thought I’d be a LOT more freaked out, but really I feel pretty much the same as last time. Excited, and a little nervous. I always knew last time that things might not end well, and having experienced that hasn’t made nearly as much of a difference in my feelings as I expected. I do feel better that my doctor gave me progesterone supplements to take. I know they aren’t likely to make a difference, but feeling like I have something to actively DO to prevent another m/c is nice.

If you’re reading this, it means we officially announced all this. Since we plan to announce pretty early (my bday is when I’m exactly 7 weeks, and I think it’d be fun to announce at my party), you might be wondering why we didn’t wait. After all, most people these days wait till 12 weeks, and even more so after a loss. So here’s my take on it. I don’t regret announcing early last time (though it might have been nice if I hadn’t had to turn around and announce the loss quite so soon). I generally would rather my loved ones know if we’re going through a loss. I really appreciated the support last time, and it also keeps people from saying unintentionally hurtful things like asking when we’re having kids.

But the main thing is that I’m making the choice to not plan for things to go wrong. I’m not letting myself be fearful and refuse to celebrate just because there might not be a happy ending. And I want my friends and family to celebrate with me. If it ends badly, well, that’ll suck, but I’m gonna enjoy this pregnancy while it lasts, which will hopefully be for a nice healthy 9 months. 🙂

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