Bad News, But A Little Good News Too

Again, since this is mostly for friends/family, if you’re here you probably already know, but we did wind up losing this pregnancy as well. I got the blood test results the Thursday we moved, and I had only gone up to 111 in 5 days. If you’ll recall my last post, 175 was the absolute lowest it could be and there still be any hope, and even that wouldn’t have been good. And as if knowing the numbers was all my body was waiting for, I started spotting within an hour or so of getting that phone call.

While it was/is sad, to be perfectly honest at this point, a week and a half later, I’m not even upset about it. The negative pregnancy test after a positive had me worried from the beginning (even though it more than likely had absolutely nothing to do with the loss), and knowing so early made it much easier. If this were my first loss, I would probably be pretty devastated. But after losing one at 9.5 weeks, after seeing the heartbeat and all, this was nothing. I get more far more upset if I sit around thinking about losing Stormy than I do thinking about this one (who we did not wind up naming anything, since it was so early). I also think it’s worth noting that I don’t regret choosing to be excited early on when we were still hopeful. I wasn’t any more sad because I was initially happy. Not enjoying the early days would have just robbed me of a few extra days of being happy about it.

I said in the title there was some good news too, so here goes with that. I had my first appointment with a TN doctor (well, nurse practitioner) today. I was a little afraid they’d refuse to start any testing at this point, because insurance doesn’t really classify you as having a problem until you’ve had three miscarriages. And there was no way to do a d&c for this one to do any fetal testing. But she jumped right on wanting to start testing right away, without my having to ask. They took eighteen vials of blood (seriously. I had to leave and go get something to eat because they wouldn’t take that much with me not having eaten), and I have another appointment to discuss the results in two and a half weeks. I have a family history of placental abruptions (on both sides, but primarily maternal), which one doctor thought was odd because it’s not actually hereditary, and it’s very rare, so for both my mom and her mom to have had one is extremely unusual. But one of the most common causes of early miscarriages is a blood clotting disorder, which can also cause placental abruptions. And blood clotting disorders are hereditary. It’s also manageable, so if it turns out that’s the cause, we probably won’t go through this again.

Until we get the results we’re supposed to avoid getting pregnant again, so don’t expect any happy announcements any time too soon. But I’m actually very happy to be able move forward on getting some answers. While this loss is much, much easier than the first, it opens up the door to all those “is there something wrong with me,” “will this keep happening,” type questions. It makes the whole thing a bit scarier. So I’m very grateful that the doctor wants to immediately start working on getting those questions answered.

For the time being, I’m mostly just focusing on other things. I have a tendency to obsess over one thing at a time, and for a while it’s been baby stuff, for obvious reasons. Time for a new obsession. I’m kind of back in Star Wars mode. 🙂  I’m looking to get a job in retail, since a nannying job would keep me in the baby/kid mindset. And I’m enjoying being back in TN, looking forward to Christmas, planning to drive down to Memphis to see my dad and his family one weekend soon, all kinds of good stuff. There are plenty of other things to be happy about for now, and hopefully soon we’ll be back on track! We just turned 28 in the last few weeks, so we’re aiming for a baby by age 30. 🙂 Plenty of time!

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